Newsletter

APRIL 2008

Meetings

April Program

What does it mean to be "ex-ex-gay"? What is "reparative therapy" and how does it impact LGBT people? On April 17 at 8:00 p.m., Christine Bakke, co-founder of the organization "Beyond Ex-Gay," will lead a discussion titled "Beyond Ex-Gay: Stories of Survival." In the past year, Bakke has been featured on Colorado Public Radio's program, "Colorado Matters."

All credible professional mental health organizations agree that attempts to convert people from same-gender to opposite-gender sexual orientation creates harm. So-called reparative therapy costs people thousands of dollars and sometimes years of their lives lost to the efforts of groups like Exodus, experiences which usually end in despair. Some find a way to move beyond the damage and shame created by these harmful "therapies" to reclaim their lives and gay identities. Beyond Ex-Gay began a year ago as a resource for people who survived ex-gay experiences. What began as an online community based on the Bible Belt in the South has evolved into a national movement. Plan to join us to share in this fascinating journey.

Annual PFLAG Appreciation Celebration May 15
Circle the date! Mark your calendars for May 15 at 6:30 pm for the highlight of our PFLAG year, the Annual Appreciation Banquet, a night of good food, warm fellowship, enjoyable entertainment and a celebration of satisfying accomplishments. On this special night, PFLAG family and special guests from the community will gather for a festive potluck followed by a brief business meeting to elect officers and receive the annual report. The highlight of the evening will be the presentation of Appreciation Awards to outstanding persons who have served our PFLAG chapter as well as community members in business, education, GLBT activism, and outstanding youth. The evening will culminate with a performance by a favorite local trio, Somethin' About Lulu. Plan to attend and bring a dish to share.

HELP WANTED! Immediate Assistance Needed!

Due to family concerns, two of our faithful standbys seek relief from their current PFLAG tasks-the Helpline, currently managed by Connie Coleman, and coordinating refreshments for monthly meetings, by Libby Martinson. Neither of these jobs is a board position, which means that the volunteer would do only that task.

The Helpline involves serving on the phone frontline to offer support. Connie says that she receives only a few calls a month from our message service. While our new web site may become a popular link for many contacts, we believe that the phone is still a primary means of connection for many people. We can provide a list of community resources for referrals and a list of PFLAG parents willing to talk with "new" families seeking information and support. All that is needed is a sympathetic ear and a non-judgmental voice. We are also considering adding a dedicated cell phone that would make immediate response possible.

Simple refreshments at our monthly meetings have been popular since the chapter began, a welcoming gesture that creates a warm atmosphere. We ask for volunteers to sign up for the year at our May banquet. The coordinator reminds each month's providers to bring drinks and/or munchies and helps out as needed.

Fall Regional Conference Volunteers Needed

For those who want to volunteer for PFLAG on a one-time basis, here's your chance to provide valuable service! The Mountain West Regional Conference Planning Committee needs someone willing to recruit and manage volunteers for the conference, which takes place September 19-21. We would like to offer free registration to the conference for this person, plus others who volunteer to help with set-up and cleanup for the reception Friday evening and three meals on Saturday. Meals will be provided by Red Stone Catering, but they provide only the food. We must provide all other services. To keep our costs down, we decided against hosting the conference at a hotel where expenses would make attendance prohibitive for many persons. But that decision means that we must take on more tasks ourselves. We also want to provide free housing for out-of-town attendees who cannot afford to stay in hotels or motels. Homestays will allow students and those on fixed incomes to participate.

Volunteers are needed for the September 19-21 Conference days to do the following:

Volunteer coordinator to help recruit and place volunteers
Provide a tray of goodies for the Friday evening reception
Contact local food providers to donate a tray or soda for Friday evening
Set-up and clean-up crews for four eating events for Friday and Saturday
Create signage for our workshop sessions
Loan six easels for Saturday
Help solicit ads for our program
Provide transportation as needed
Offer a spare bed or bedroom for two nights
Coordinate a limited exhibit space at FUMC for Saturday
Help pass out flyers at the Pride Block Party

Please contact Jean Hodges or Rollie Butler (rollie@safehousealliance.org) if you can help out with any of these needs.

Family Matters

Now a new PFLAG TV star, Elizabeth Bethea, our co-president, was interviewed on Channel 12's Colorado OutSpoken program on Sunday, March 30, along with the Loveland mother of a trans child. After the taping, the producers were so excited about the excellent interview that they asked Elizabeth and Michelle to continue talking so they could expand their coverage about transgender children and the impact on families and schools. The second segment will air on Colorado OutSpoken at 10:00 p.m. Sunday, April 27.

Congratulations are in order for Kit McChesney who recently was invited to join the University of Colorado's GLBT Advisory Board. Kit, who has served as our newsletter editor, has also been invited to join the PFLAG Board. Kit will act as liaison from PFLAG to the GLBT Advisory board at CU.

Glenda Russell, a member of our chapter and a long-time LGBT activist, was part of an APA committee revising an updated version of a classic PFLAG resource, Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, an important publication of the American Psychological Association. This document can be downloaded at http://www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.pdf. Thanks, Glenda, for your continuing professional contributions to expand everyone's understanding of LGBT issues.

Boulder Pride Has New Executive Director

Boulder Pride is excited to introduce its newest staff member, Aicila Lewis. As a recent transplant to the Boulder area from Washington state, Aicila is still adjusting to the sunlight. A long time activist, she joined her first board in 2001 and has been busily gaining a wealth of experience with non-profit LGBT groups ever since. Welcome, Aicila!

Oklahoma City PFLAG Supporters Meet with Sally Kern: Lawmaker Agrees Gay Should Not Be Fired Because of Sexual Orientation

You may have heard about the inflammatory comments made by Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern, whose openly homophobic comments, made at a political meeting, were secretly taped and later released online at YouTube.com. Her comments were met with shock and disbelief from all who witnessed them, and created a firestorm of criticism from GLBT activist organizations nationwide. On March 27, the Oklahoma City Chapter of PFLAG met with Kern to express concern about her comments, among them claims equating the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to a "cancer" that "is just destroying this nation." Kern also referred to GLBT Americans as "the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism." Rev. Loyce Newton-Edwards, president of the Oklahoma City PFLAG chapter, was joined in the meeting by Rev. Dr. Kathy McCallie, pastor of the Church of the Open Arms and Rev. Jim Shields, a retired United Methodist Church minister from Kern's district. The group requested a meeting with Kern following a March 18 rally at the state capitol. In her meeting with PFLAG supporters, Kern said that "I agree with "the idea that gay and lesbian Americans should not be fired from their jobs because of their sexual orientation. "We appreciate Representative Kern taking the time to meet with us and consider an important, ongoing dialogue about our families and loved ones," said Rev. Newton-Edwards. "Representative Kern expressed a commendable desire to consider every family, every Oklahoman and every constituent. Today, she took an important first step forward that, we hope, will be the beginning of many conversations with our families and
our community." Kern did not express an apology during the meeting, nor did she back away from any of her earlier comments. The meeting was, however, her first with a group working within the GLBT and allied communities. Newton-Edwards, McCallie and Shields all shared their own stories about why Kern's comments were personally hurtful, and asked the lawmaker to remember their loved ones when speaking out, and casting votes, in the future. Newton-Edwards also invited Kern to attend an upcoming PFLAG meeting, and Kern said she would consider the request. "As Representative Kern begins to listen to voices from across her district, and the state, she will hear the stories of hard-working, patriotic men and women who make our communities better, our nation safer and our families stronger," said Jody M. Huckaby, executive director of PFLAG. "We appreciate this initial meeting, and PFLAG stands ready to be a resource to Kern and a champion for her constituents. We look forward to continuing today's conversation and working with Kern to move equality forward. Bringing communities together, rather than dividing the public with inflammatory words, should be a top priority of every elected leader. Kern will always find open arms and welcoming families at PFLAG." According to The Williams Institute at the University of California-Los Angeles, Oklahoma is home to more than 89,500 GLBT citizens; nearly 10,000 lesbian and gay military veterans; and approximately 4,000 children are living in loving homes headed by same-sex couples. According to the Institute, Representative Kern's district is home to more GLBT Oklahomans than any other district in the state.

 

Safe Schools Work Flourishing

With the strong support of the new superintendent, Dr. Chris King, the Boulder Valley Safe Schools Coalition has been very busy all fall and winter developing and offering trainings on LGBT issues for administrators and faculties across the Boulder Valley School District. Janis Bohan and Jean Hodges are the PFLAG members heavily involved in these trainings which also included guest presentations for several sections of a C.U. Education class, School and Society. On April 16, they both will be helping to lead a training for Gay Straight Alliance sponsors and student leaders from nine high schools to help strengthen the GSA clubs. Topics will include how to conduct a meeting, how to increase membership, how to strategically program to change school climate, how to deal with conflict, decision-making and how to plan for succession. This project, in addition to developing a new BVSSC brochure, has been funded by a grant from the Open Door Fund.

 

What Are Your True Colors? True Colors Tour 2008!

The True Colors Tour 2008, a fundraising event dedicated to benefiting PFLAG, Human Rights Campaign, Egale Canada, and CenterLink, and sponsored by the Stonewall Community Foundation, makes its way across the U.S. and Canada this year, stopping off to treat the Colorado audience to a concert at Red Rocks, July 5, 2008. Headlined by Cyndi Lauper and The B-52's, each show will feature five hours of non-stop music and entertainment including exciting special guests on select dates: Rosie O'Donnell, Wanda Sykes, Indigo Girls, Tegan and Sara, Regina Spektor, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Joan Armatrading, Nora Hendryx, Deborah Cox, the Cliks and many more. Hosted by Carson Kressley, the tour will visit 24 cities across the United States and Canada from May 31 to July. Don't miss the opportunity to join with other PFLAGers to celebrate our LGBT community through music! Tickets are on sale now at www.truecolorstour.com. If anyone has an interest in helping to staff a PFLAG table at the concert and possibly get in free and maybe even go backstage to meet and greet some performers, please contact JeanInBldr@comcast.net.

 

What is the Stonewall Foundation?

Stonewall was begun as a collection of advised-funds and endowments by like-minded donors concerned about creating a vibrant and healthy lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. Today, Stonewall is a full service community foundation seeking the participation of everyone interested in bettering our community. Since 1990, the foundation has distributed more than $11 million in grants. Grant-making from Stonewall's general fund concentrates on the needs of organizations in the five boroughs of New York, while Donor-advised funds support a variety of organizations locally and throughout the country. Stonewall supporters envision a community of shared resources where donors, funders and organizations work together, joined by a commitment to strengthen one another. Stonewall is dedicated to increasing charitable giving within the community today while building a strong endowment for tomorrow.

 

The Tranny Roadshow

The GLBT Resource Center is very excited to be bringing the Tranny Roadshow to CU Boulder Friday, April 25th from 7:00-9:30 pm in Old Main Auditorium. The Tranny Roadshow is a multimedia performance art extravaganza composed of an eclectic group of artists, each one self-identified as transgender, including poets, rappers, filmmakers, storytellers, break dancers, rock bands, comedians, actors, folk singers, photographers, zinesters, and more. In this unique variety show the expression of gender and the expression of self are inseparable. The show is a fluid entity, changing to suit the artists and the crowd, but always full of intelligence, fun and humor. Although the Tranny Roadshow is created entirely by transpeople, it is not exclusively for transpeople. It is a raucous evening of entertainment, open and accessible to people of all backgrounds. Most of us are experienced performers, and while our goals do include challenging people and making them think, our most important goals are to entertain them, make them laugh, and make them dance. 

Colors in the Rainbow: Race, Culture, and Sexual Orientation
                        Part III: Asian Cultures
                    by Stephen M. White, Psy.D.

As is the case with "Hispanic" and "Latino", the term "Asian" refers to many different countries and cultures. There are some elements that many of these cultures share, including an emphasis on tradition and authority, respect for elders and a hierarchical family structure, and the concept of "face," or maintaining ones dignity in public.
Some of these elements make it difficult for gay children to come out to their parents, and for parents to acknowledge that their child is gay. The importance of tradition means that parents are invested in the idea that their child will have a heterosexual marriage and have children. The 1993 film The Wedding Banquet illustrates this point well, as the Taiwanese protagonist's parents doggedly arrange dating services for him, unaware that he is gay. Letting go of this dream can be a very difficult process for parents.
The emphasis on respect for elders can also make it exceedingly difficult for gay Asian children to come out to their parents. Regardless of race, children want to maintain a good relationship with their parents and fear disappointing them. This is one of the most frightening aspects of the coming out process for many children. Children in Asian families may fear that the revelation of their sexual orientation will be seen as a sign of disrespect.
Even worse than a private injury to parents could be causing the parents to "lose face" in public. The taboo against homosexuality is strong in most Asian communities, making the fear that the parents would lose face a realistic one.
Other factors that may make the coming out process more difficult for gay Asians include multi-generational issues and inter-racial relationships. First-generation parents may have difficulty understanding various aspects of their children's lives, and learning that a child is gay can be a particularly challenging situation. The children may have their own difficulties, trying to figure out how to integrate race and sexual orientation into a cohesive identity within the larger culture.
Relatively small numbers in the population make the task of finding a partner complicated for gay Asians. Different social groups have formed to address this situation, working to facilitate relationships between Asians and non-Asians, including the Long Yang Club and International Friendship Alliance/Asians & Friends.
Despite the cultural factors that make it difficult for gay Asian to come out, these individuals are slowly becoming more visible. Japan's first openly gay politician, Kanako Otsuji, was elected in 2003 as a prefectural assemblywoman from Osaka, and the same year Aya Kamikawa, the first open transsexual in public office, was elected as a member of the Setagaya ward assembly in Tokyo.
One of the most visible gay Asian entertainers is George Takei, the Japanese-American famous for portraying Mr. Sulu in the Star Trek television series and films. Takei came out in October, 2005. Another highly visible actor is B.D. Wong, a Chinese-American actor who has appeared in many films including The Freshman, Father of the Bride, and more recently the Law and Order: SVU television series. In 2003 Hong Suk Chon, a popular actor on South Korean TV, became the first well-known personality to publicly come out. He initially lost work but after the initial shock wore off has begun getting roles again.
Female entertainers include comedian Margaret Cho, a bisexual Korean-American, and Jenny Shimizu, a Japanese-American model and actress most famous for her relationship with Angelina Jolie, with whom she starred in the film Foxfire.
The most famous Japanese writer to address gay issues was undoubtedly Yukio Mishima. Considered to be "the Japanese Hemingway" by Life magazine, Mishima was a prolific author of over 100 works. His books of most interest to gay audiences include Confessions of a Mask (1958) and Forbidden Colors (1968). Mishima was closeted during his lifetime, living with a wife and two children.
Heterosexual artists have also been important supporters of gay Asians. Ang Lee, the Taiwanese-American director of The Wedding Banquet and Brokeback Mountain had the courage to make films that were risky from both a political and commercial vantagepoint. In 2004 Yoko Ono took a stand on the issue of gay marriage, re-recording a song she had written with John Lennon, with the new title "Every Man Has a Man Who Loves Him."
Non-fiction works which have examined the intersection between Asian culture and homosexuality have included the 1993 documentary Cut Sleeve: Lesbians & Gays of Asian/Pacific Ancestry, as well as the books Asian Homosexuality edited by Dynes and Donaldson, Passions of the Cut Sleeve: The Male Homosexual Tradition in China by Bret Hinsch, Love of the Samurai: A Thousand Years of Japanese Homosexuality by Watanabe and Iwata, and The Dove Coos = Nok Kao Kan: Gay Experiences by the Men of Thailand edited by Eric G. Allyn.
The taboo attached to homosexuality has created a familiar vicious cycle. The general absence of role models makes it difficult for gay men and women to come out, and their reluctance to come out creates the absence of these role models. This cycle may be winding down, as the past few years have seen gay Asians achieve greater visibility than ever, both inside the United States and abroad. The oft-quoted Confucius suggests the way forward: "Respect yourself and others will respect you."

Organizations/Resources
International Friendship Alliance/Asians & Friends (Asians/Non-Asians) www.intlfriendship.org
Long Yang Club (Asians/Non-Asians): www.longyangclub.org
China Rainbow: www.chinarainbow.org
Gay Asian Pacific Alliance (GAPA): www.gapa.org
Pacific Friends/Long Yang Club: www.pacificfriends.org
UTOPIA (Polynesians): www.polyutopia.com
Trikone (South Asians): www.trikone.org

Copyright © 2006 Stephen M. White